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Animated Atrocities 63/Transcript
Mr. Enter: Today's cartoon is brought to us by the people who made this! of Tentacolino Tentacles/Tentacolino/Oddy: If anything bad happens to my friends, I'll rip every tooth out of that shark and I'll make them into the most beautiful necklace you've ever seen! Hmmm... Atrocities intro Mr. Enter: Let me just say right now this is one of the most tedious pieces of crap to ever follow the "it's just a kids' show" line of thinking. I've never seen Puppy in my Pocket toys before, but from what I can gather, it's either a rip-off of Polly Pocket or a rip-off of Littlest Pet Shop, or a rip-off of both of them. Either way, it doesn't have much of its own identity, but that doesn't even begin to describe the problems with this show. Let's start, as we always do, with the theme song. in My Pocket" intro starts up Singer: #You want a puppy to love, a new best friend from above# Mr. Enter: Hear it twice and it will never leave your head, and that's bad because it's so bubbly enough tempo that it gets really annoying really fast! Not to mention that the lyrics are happy beyond all belief! Singer: #When you're sad and you're feeling lonely, and you don't know what to do, there's a new best friend on the way, from Pocketville just to meet you. Some puppy love to be there by your side# Mr. Enter: Also, look at that flash animation. It looks semi-decent in stills, but in motion, it dives right into the uncanny valley. But the bad theme song and the terrible flash animation is just a couple of nitpicks, next to the two real problems with this. This episode starts off with another fucking song that sounds exactly like the theme song. sarcastic Great. Singer: #Find a friend forever in Pocketville and believe in a puppy love story# of Tentacolino Mr. Enter: No, no, no, no, no! Don't remind me of puppy love! Do not remind me of that! OK, problem one: Nothing in the story makes any fucking sense, whatsoever. I don't know who any of these characters are, what they're trying to do, or the rules of the show. To the show's benefit, it seems to have a similar continuity to Avatar: The Last Airbender, where it's a continuous story just segmented into parts, and, uhh, it takes a special kind of talent to pull that off, and not completely alienate new potential viewers. This cartoon does not have that talent. Kate/Polly: Let the friendship ceremony... begin! Let the spirit of the Friendship Heart light the way to the Magic Fountain! Mr. Enter: OK, now you've noticed the second big problem with this, the lip-syncing. It is terrible, like the worst that I've ever seen, and that includes low-budget anime! Half of the time, they repeat frames to attempt and fail at the illusion of speaking. The other half of the time, they speed things up or slow them down. Though to be fair, the accents are so thick, I can barely figure out what's going on anyway! I thought I wouldn't complain about the lip-syncing, since this may have started in a different country and a different language, but guess what? Mondo TV's other big claim to fame, "Tentacolino" had perfect lip-syncing, and thus, this has no excuse whatsoever! So this magic bullshit here shows an image of a cat and suddenly a girl gets a cat, then the other animals start talking about a Princess. Kate/Polly: I don't want to get your hopes up, but we're getting closer. Mela: Really? Kate/Polly: Don't get too excited! We're trying! Mr. Enter: I just can't get over this! The lip-syncing is so fucking bad, like really fucking bad! I'd actually prefer it if they talked over still frames, believe it or not! Then they could at least claim they were going for some kind of style. Danny: Go on, Kate! Don't leave us in suspense! Mela: Give us the bad news first, then we can get it out of the way. Mr. Enter: Every single voice in this thing is terrible! It has some good voice actors! But each voice is either in a terrible falsetto, gets grating after 30 seconds, or is in such a thick accent that it can't be understood! The whole purpose of this Friendship Ceremony is to tell the audience that the Princess had been kidnapped, and then it's never mentioned again. Kate/Polly: The bad news is that the Pet Buster's house where Ava is prisoner is built like a fortress. The good news is that it may be strong, but I think it may have a weak spot. Mr. Enter: Kate/Polly The bad news is that all of our operatives have been captured, and they are being tortured mercilessly, and we have no idea where the hell they are! They're probably going to die in 24 hours! But the good news is that they just might have weaknesses, even though we have no clue what it is! Normal They can't get through a window to this building because... never mentioned. And they can't get through the door because... it needs a key, on a gate that they can't climb over. Then we learn that there's a surveillance camera, and the building has an alarm system. Pet Buster: Are your alarm systems as fool-proof as your adverts say? Alarm System man: Are they fool-proof? of "CTRL-ALT-DEL" Mr. Enter: You know, CTRL-ALT-DEL the Animated Series may have been as low-budget as all hell, but at least they got basic lip-syncing down! As for the security system, we'll get how well that works in a bit. Back to the castle. This girl apparently has a lot of friends in Pocketville, but the only grown-up she can count on his her father. Uh, look, if I tried to piece together the fragments of this story, we'd be here all day. We're just going to have to take the Tentacolino approach. Fitting isn't it? The main point is that the Princess kitty is inside the pound thing and the girl wants to get her out with the help of her talking animals. Surprisingly, that's not the worst premise for a cartoon that I've ever heard. Mela: How will you be able to get inside the house? Kate/Polly: Well, it's, um... It's kind of hard to explain. Magic: Just trust her, it's a great plan! Uhm do you really have a plan, Katie? Mr. Enter: Make a cartoon with some effort! Anyway, Polly here - Yeah, she has a different name, but I don't fucking care, she's a ripoff of Polly Pocket, so I'll call her Polly! Magic and Wallace are in Kate's room looking at a picture of the Pet Buster's house Kate/Polly: ...Map of the Pet Buster's house! As you can see from this, there's only one way to get inside! Mr. Enter: First of all, how can you make a map of a house that you've never been in before? Two, that's not a map, that's a photo! Polly says that she wants to get in through the front door, even though she said she couldn't get in through the door before. They decide that they have to use the key. Why they didn't think of it sooner, I have no fucking idea! Maybe they've got brains made of jelly! I wouldn't be surprised. Kate/Polly: I know it's dangerous and I haven't thought about how we'll get the key yet. Mr. Enter: We cut to the Princess. The Pet Buster, the villain of this thing, is talking on the phone to the Princess' evil twin, because, yeah, she has one of those! Category:Transcripts